take these broken wings and learn to fly

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 02:36:28 GMT

there is a patient that goes to the mental health hospital that i work at who told me that her medication is taking all of her friends away. the anti-psychotics that we are giving her are making the voices in her head disappear. these are voices that she has heard all her life, her only friends. now she screams and cries all day because she has no one. im told that when im not working she yells my name at the top of her lungs because i am one of the only people who listens to her.

i dont know how to feel about psychology right now. i never thought about how scary it must be when the world that someone has known all their life suddenly disappears because of medication. thoughts?

in other news: i know that i have disappeared for a while, but i am doing great. ive been focusing on myself for once, and love all the new and old people in my life. i will start catching up with a few of you shortly before school starts.

update

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 15:43:32 GMT

i havnt updated in months, so here are some significant events as of recent:

1. I have rented an apartment in Brighton, next to Allston, with my amazing friend melissa. I move in the first week of may.

2. my internship at Harvard is set and 100% happening

3. I got a job at a mental health clinic

4. my birthday was about a month and a half ago, so im now 21 and you should probably go out with me

5. my dad gave me his bike, which is beautiful, come ride with me

6. im scared shitless about graduating in a year, i have no clue where im going to go to school / live / work

7. Arthur is the most amazing person that i have ever met and i love him

life is finally calming down, and that makes me super happy

ps: i miss you all back in NH, seriously, its killing me

look at my job

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 13:32:44 GMT

this is the monkey place that i work at, and what i want to do with my life.
get into it

ps:
my dad has made my life a mess.
i am moving to Vermont for the summer.

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 12:40:12 GMT

they say you're supposed to follow your gut feelings, it's like instict. sometimes, though, when you take action on those feelings they can completely blow up in your face and make you never want to trust yourself ever again. like you failed. and it changes all your thoughts about a thousand things in an instant. FUCK.

on that note...

archeologists found these two in Italy this week. they were aparently young, because their teeth were hardly worn down. they died holding eachother. seriously... the most beautiful thing in the world.

Geek's Dream Girl

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 20:25:11 GMT

last night i played Diablo II untill 4:00am, in nothing but my underwear because i was doing laundry and was to into the game to get dressed

just call me Gersty the Barbarian

am i crazy or what...

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 18:48:46 GMT

so, life has recently become absolutely amazing, which should be a good thing, but my brain doesn't think so. all of a sudden i have become incredibly paranoid about things going wrong or things not being as good as i think they are. its like my mind doesnt trust itself, or it at least doesnt trust other people around me.

im thinking that somehow my unconscious is trying to protect me from things that happened in the past. last year my trust and forgiveness was taken advantage of WAY to much, as many of you probably know. i let things go that i should have definatly freaked out about... and i hate that i was that pathetic. but anyways, i think that now i am just hyper sensitive when it comes to areas that require lots of trust.

i wish that my mother of a super ego would shut up and let my ID take over for a while so it can get what it wants (oh psychology, look how crazy you have made me become)

ANYWAYS other things that are happening in my life:

(+) Arthur is amazing
(+) internship at Harvard
(+) nomination for National Honor Society in Psychology
(+) new phone in the next month
(+) tax returns
(+) BIRTHDAY #21 IN ONE MONTH AND ONE DAY
(+) looking for an apartment in Boston with Laura and Melissa
(+) started volunteering with my monkeys again

(-) no job
(-) my teeth hate me
(-) meeting my dads girlfriend (fiance?) in a couple hours
(-) missing Sara, Angie, and Ruth big time

LMAO!

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 00:24:27 GMT

today I got an incredibly expensive grill. silver and gold. should probably be really jealous. it looks kind of like...

HAAAAAAAAAA... fucking sweet life...

FUCKING LOVE LIFE

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 18:47:26 GMT

first off...

who is going to get an internship at HARVARD?!?! yeah, that's right, THIS BITCH! My amazing psychology teacher was talking about primatology and a study she's doing about chimps and relating their behavior to children. She mentioned that no one in the class is probably intersted, she was wrong! If you know me AT ALL you definatly know that i'm a monkey freak. After class I told her that I allready work at a place that trains monkeys and she absolutely freaked out. She has allready talked to the head of the psychology department and demanded that I get an internship with her at Harvard next year. This is so incredibly amazing, you can't even possibly understand!

also:

- my classes are actually not that bad and I have tons of time off
- my new roomate turned out to be awesome
- my room is so sweet COME VISIT
- Arthur is finally back, which ends our month and a half of lame ass vacations away from eachother
- I miiiiight be going to Florida for spring break WHICH STARTS ON MY BIRTHDAY! THE BIG 21! IN A MONTH AND A HALF!

life is pretty sweet, I haven't been this happy in a looooong time <3

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 20:23:32 GMT

"In a Relationship"

COMING HOME

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 20:33:59 GMT

I will be back in Boston in less than 48 hours and I am so incredibly excited!

Being here in New Hampshire was okay, but there are too many awkward feelings. A certain person makes being here incredibly confusing and frustrating. My parents are getting annoying. I hate not being able to jump on the T when I need to get away.

To all my friends I never got to see, I'm sorry. Life has been weird, and the phone works both ways. VISIT ME IN COLLEGE I HAVE A PULL OUT COUCH/BED!

My heart is in Boston <3

the end is near

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:22:51 GMT

today the frogs at my pond came out of hibernation, and the bulbs in my front yard are sprouting. tuesday it is supposed to get cold again, which means that they will all maybe die. a summer/spring without flowers and frogs would kill me. it was also so hot at work that we had to turn on the AC, and i was sweating with a t-shirt on.

when we are older, we are going to be telling our kids, "back when i was your age, it used to snow in new england" and they will laugh at us.

GO SEE AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH PLEASE

also, i (hopefully) have a hot date tonight

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 23:56:13 GMT

BEST NEW YEARS EVER

downed a 40oz in about 20 minutes, Thirsty Gersty rules your face hahaha. i have never smiled and laughed so much in my entire life, my cheeks hurt so bad. i cant remember the last time that i was this happy. i cant even write how im feeling right now.

hopefully these feelings wont last only a few weeks like they have the past couple of times, and hopefully they are mutual

i want to be back in boston, i NEED to be back in boston

and also, here is my new hobby, made for a special boy :

don't read this...

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 05:42:09 GMT

so, basically all of you will not care about this entry. i warned you...

i don't know what to do with myself. currently there is nothing (well, maybe one individual) that i can be happy about. my friend died, a family member died, and my dad is not speaking to my mother because she has been so busy keeping my aunt from going crazy with grief that she hasn't had time to call him. the fact that they are seperated but we all live in the same house doesn't help. he doesn't even give a fuck about my moms family anyways. my mom keeps calling me crying because of my dad and because shes so stressed trying to help her sister. i have been going to funerals and memorials and getting ready for them since literally the second i got home for vacation. i haven't seen any of my friends(i don't count seeing them at a funeral as hanging out) and i don't have time to. im so drained i can barely stay awake. but i can't sleep because i have to keep waking up early to get ready for the next disaster. i will be getting 3 hours of sleep tonight. then i have to drive 3 hours to vermont, then 3 hours back.

the fact that i am single, and it's christmas, doesnt exactly help either... i feel absolutely alone. i can definatly say that i have never been this depressed before.

i want to be back in boston, for several reasons. being home is to hard. school keeps me busy. certain people there might be able to make me happy.

merry fucking christmas

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 06:23:18 GMT

This is by far the roughest holiday I have ever had...

RIP Josh:
I will miss your amazing smile and warm hugs. I wish that I was around more often like I used to be. Almost every week we would keep eachother company at the shop. The last thing that you said to me was to make sure that I took care of myself, and I will keep that promise.

RIP Uncle Ed:
We were never close, since I lived so far away, but the last few times that I saw you I felt like we really bonded. You were always wearing a smile, and made sure that your houses were always big enough for our whole family. I'm so happy that we had our christmas party last weekend, it was by far the best Bushey christmas ever.

also, I am now home for vacation. Next week I would enjoy seeing as many people as possible.

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 05:20:17 GMT

I just finished my last paper of the semester (+). However, it was a psychology paper in which I had to analyze aspects of my current personality and where they came from. That shit can really fuck you up, and it made me realize how obnoxious my mind is sometimes (-).

I will be home wednesday, for a whole month. This means that I get to see tons of misses and misters that I miss very much back in the NH (+). But I have some great people here in Boston, some old and some I just met, that I like very much and I am going to miss them tons of tons (-).

I am torn.

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 20:01:52 GMT

I need to be out of this big city, and back in my little house in the middle of nowhere. It's strange how I feel less lonely in a town that no one has heard of than I do in a city where aparently everyone wants to be.

please make next week come faster

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 21:21:49 GMT

downtown breaka: EUGINE!
downtown breaka: i want to caress ur needs!
downtown breaka: eugine this is u right?
X0 like WOAH: haha no my name is sara
downtown breaka: haha stop playin
X0 like WOAH: seriously
downtown breaka: eugine!
downtown breaka: stop
downtown breaka: its not funny
X0 like WOAH: got the wrong IM, sorry
downtown breaka: wait this is seriously not eugine?
downtown breaka: lol are u kiddin?
X0 like WOAH: look in my profile
downtown breaka: haha sorry my computer doesnt allow to check profiles
X0 like WOAH: allright haha
downtown breaka: wait im prolly wrong but u live on aren glenn lane right?
X0 like WOAH: no i live in a dorm at emmanuel college
X0 like WOAH: on fenway
X0 like WOAH: haha
downtown breaka: hahahahaha
downtown breaka: omg ok let me tell u something hilarious
X0 like WOAH: allright haha
downtown breaka: wait this is not sarah weiss is it?
X0 like WOAH: no, sara gerstenberger
downtown breaka: lol yea yea
downtown breaka: this is her
X0 like WOAH: no
X0 like WOAH: im sara gerstenberger
X0 like WOAH: who the fuck are you!
downtown breaka: hahahahahaha
downtown breaka: we were tryin to mess with our friend and her screen name is JUST like urs and her name is sarah!!
downtown breaka: hahaha
downtown breaka: were not lookin for eugine!
X0 like WOAH: hahaha are you serious?
downtown breaka: haha
downtown breaka: YES!
downtown breaka: no lie!
X0 like WOAH: hahahah that is fucking hilarious
downtown breaka: and then we were tryin to creep her out by sayin where she lived and calling her eugine!
downtown breaka: hahahaha
X0 like WOAH: lol
downtown breaka: ok well good luck at college!
X0 like WOAH: amazing
downtown breaka: ttyl
X0 like WOAH: haha
X0 like WOAH: bye

sorry thats so friggan long, but it just ammused me. people IM me calling me sarah all the time and it takes us forever to figure out that we dont know eachother! its like i have an identical twin that i dont know about, weeeiiiiird

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 22:18:24 GMT

these past few days have been confusing and emotional, so i was feeling a bit down when i went to work. i was kind of rushing through things and doing a half ass job. after handing out veggies to one of the rooms i was passing one of the cages and one of the little teenie tiny monkeys jumpped onto the front of the cage. she had a really shy look on her face (the little ones are usually the most timmed) and out of no where she pushed her tail out as far as she could out throught the wire. she wrapped it around my hand and then suddenly put on the biggest smile ever, then i smiled the biggest smile ever. she turned around my whole day.

if one of them can make me feel so awesome, then i cant imagine how they can make someone feel who really needs them. it reassures me that what im doing and striving for is important. it lets me know that even though school really sucks right now, its worth it.

blah blah blah thoughtfull blah blah

HOME!

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 16:29:47 GMT

i'm home untill sunday evening, soooo that means that i need to hang out with as many people as possible!

make it happen people!!!

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 06:00:41 GMT

I swear that there is a sign across my face that says "take advantage of me, dont worry about my feelings, im not a human being..."

i havent been single in so many years. i forgot how lonely and horrible it is. i hate how i try so hard to make someone feel happy, and it goes completely unappreciated.

FIND ME A DATE

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 04:10:50 GMT

tonight was so warm, probably just as warm as this summer. i love it! i just played frisbee in the quad with two of my friends. shorts and a tank top in the middle of november and im sweating, covered in mud and grass. i haven't had this much fun in forever. i wish every night could be like tonight.

i dont know why i made this post haha, but i just thought i would let everyone know

i <3 college sometimes

Home

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 17:03:46 GMT

i'm coming back to New Hampshire for the 3 day weekend and i need shit to do. what's going on friday, saturday night, and sunday? let me know

i will have a car

i missed you

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:01:59 GMT

so after over 2 years of lacking a livejournal i have caved in and started one up again. after recent events i feel like i should reconnect with friends and do something new... or rather, in this case, restart something that i gave up.

i probably wont write to much, but when i do it will be important.

yay for lurking!